


Cruel But Cool

by NERV



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: 'Cause even I don't know where this going, Brace yourself, F/F, Should be fun while it lasts though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-07-18 07:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16113524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NERV/pseuds/NERV
Summary: Sayo's drifting.  Then she meets the worst possible person at the worst possible time in her life.  From then on things just spiral out of control.  But everyone else seems to be having fun.





	1. Intro + Verse One

In her room, Sayo thumbed her bottom string twice and listened, homing in on the tone.  After a few moments she tweaked the corresponding tuning key and tried again.

 

Her lips twitched into a grimace.  Not perfect but it would do.  Just for today. 

 

_For now._

"Wonderful..."  Her companion murmured as she stroke a pen through the old, tattered notebook Sayo had given her.

 

"They were just...  Scribbles..."  Sayo couldn't handle it.  Didn't like the vulnerability.

 

"And now they'll be something new.  Something Fl..."

 

"-Don't say it."  Sayo warned with a sharp glare.

 

There was a slight pout in response, but it barely compromised the ever-present smirk.

 

"Are you ready?" 

 

Sayo nodded.  She flexed her fingers and glanced down at her old acoustic guitar; the guitar her mother had given her, the guitar that she had held onto for way too long, unwilling to pass it along. 

 

She'd been playing the same riff for a few hours now.  It was simple but the chord progression had a nice swing to it.  She just needed to nail the tempo to the melody now.

 

She started to play; strumming out the tune that had been humming through her mind for a week or two; her fingers sliding up and down the incline of the fretboard, giving it shape.

 

Then, from behind the upheld notebook, came the vocals.  The fullness of her voice led to Sayo glancing up...

 

_"It's the shadowy whisper that brushes my leg..."_

She still couldn't remember what had possessed her to write that line.

 

_"...Or sends you shooting it through my brain..."_

She's changed that one again, Sayo thought.

 

_"...It's the way you back up into my veins."_

That one...  That one seemed to ring true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took one suggestion from a certain someone to drag me into this franchise.
> 
> I'll add the relationships and other stuff later. For now I'm playing it fast and loose.


	2. (2) Code Red

The whole debacle had started a few weeks ago. 

 

But then again, Sayo seen had something grim on horizon long before.  In the midst of meeting all of the other bands; she had picked _her_ out of the crowd as she waltzed through it.  Everyone apparently already knew her from exploits besides music.  A bad vibe.

 

It would prove to be well-founded at a Roselia concert sometime later.

 

Sayo had spent the entire show planted on her wing of the stage; unmoving as she focused only on her guitar and the pedal board beyond.  Though she hadn't moved, or even really looked up at the audience at all, she had slowly become aware of someone watching her with intent; the gaze piercing enough that she had found it distracting, even in a room full of frantic eyes.

 

Sayo forced herself to ignore it midway through _Louder_.  She was slipping, and that could simply not be allowed.  She honed in on the tension sparking between her fingers and tried to relax them as she timed her transition between chords.

 

A finger slid off and she hammered back on, missing a note in the process. 

 

It was just a note.

 

Just one.

 

Sayo felt herself burn up.  The fury driving deep.  All too familiar.

 

*************

 

The cut had stung for days afterwards, even though no one else had noticed.  Perhaps that made it even worse.  Sayo did not see an error as _something to get away with_.  You exposed and dissected it.  Once corrected it would be sewn back up, never to be- 

 

"You're quite a sight for sore eyes."

 

Sayo flinched.  She looked up and saw the advent of her downfall...  _Her_.

 

She stood across the outdoor cafe table where Sayo was seated; one hand planted down firmly against the surface of the table, the other working in tandem with her curved lips and down-turned gaze to strike a pose.  

 

On edge, Sayo narrowed her eyes and set her demeanour to Full Glare.

 

Her antagonist seemed oblivious as she shifted into a new pose, this time set in profile.

 

"What..."  Sayo swallowed an intense buzz of irritation, if only in hopes of quickly ending whatever moronic ambush this was surely set to be.  "...Do you want?"

 

"My, my...  I've had frostier receptions, but only just."  She laughed, a little too loudly to be just for her own benefit.

 

Sayo didn't bite, just glared. 

 

Faced with a stiff audience, she re-adjusted; planting both hands on the table and leaning forward with a fresh grin.  "Just a moment of your time, _Kitten._ "

 

Sayo clenched her fist.  Normally her patience would be slight for this kind of playacting, today it was practically non-existent.  She had purposely withdrawn to a solitary location to consider the problem at hand in a clinical manner.  Extra practice had seemed like a fool's errand over the last few days, and it was rare for her to abstain from the studio, just... 

 

Recently there had been a gnawing sense that she was missing something.  The more she had dwelt on it, the more she had come to see her obsession over every tiny error to be a smokescreen; a way to distract from... 

 

And she knew she was becoming notorious for it lately; the others held their breath on every time signature nowadays, waiting for her to snap and make them start over.  Before, her attention to detail had been an asset, now it was becoming divisive.  And to top it all off, she knew the moment when things had started their recent downturn; their origin was a common and bitter source of Sayo's darker moments.  And shame.  That always came hand-in-hand with...

 

"...And she'll have one more of whatever she had before.  Thank-you, Kitten." 

 

Sayo looked up, snapping back to the moment in time to see Kaoru finish her order.  Bewildered, she watched the young waitress blush and gush before walking away reluctantly.  She even sneaked a backwards glance before re-entering the cafe. 

 

Sayo's gaze shifted the seemingly ever-smug figure now sitting opposite her.  Her elbows rested on the table, one hand planted against her chin while the other swayed in air, fingers flexing as if gesturing to someone unseen.  Those ruby lips leered at her, even in the relative silence.

 

"Are you paying the bill?"  Sayo asked, her tone still sharp.

 

"A pretty girl never lights her own cigarettes."  Kaoru tilted her head and smiled.

 

Sayo sighed and rolled her eyes.  "Cut it out."

 

"Would you rather be alone?"

 

"Yes."

 

"That's a shame."

 

She was forever trying not to laugh.  At least that was how it seemed to Sayo.

 

The silence lasted from then until the waitress returned with their order a few minutes later.  A kind of stand-off.

 

She probably should just got up and left.  Instead she was treated to the sight of Kaoru continuing her charm offensive, emboldened now with a attentive audience.  The waitress practically threw a cup of tea across the table at Sayo, such was her eagerness to focus on her new crush.  It was all rather nauseating, and Sayo did her best to block out the whispered sweet nothings and faux-accidental brushes of hands.

 

"I've been watching you."  Kaoru told her when they were alone again.

 

"That's not creepy."  Sayo noted.

 

"I came to your concert."

 

"You see, if you'd said that first then I would have just given you my autograph without all of this fuss."  She kept it totally dry.

 

Kaoru raised an eyebrow.  "And I thought I knew something about tongue-lashings."

 

"It takes more than a cup of coffee to make up for a rude interruption."

 

"Well, enough small talk.  I'm sure you have some brooding to get back to."  She replied between sips of her tea.

 

Sayo felt her teeth grind involuntarily as a comeback wound its way up her throat; something about having a quota of waitresses to seduce...

 

Kaoru cut her off.  "I'm looking for a guitar tutor, and I believe you fit the bill."

 

Sayo blinked, stopped in her tracks.  "And...  Why is that?"  Was the best she could manage.

 

"I'd propose a trade.  After observing your live performance I think we both possess a skill set the other desires."

 

"You want..?"  She rasped.

 

"I need a more technically-sound foundation in my repertoire.  And you, my dear, have that in spades."  She grinned at Sayo, a flash of white between deep red.

 

"And, dare I ask, what are you-"

 

"I'm so glad you asked, Kitten."  She announced, far too loudly for their setting, with a flourish of her hands in Sayo's direction.  " _Presence!_   How to announce yourself on the stage of fate."

 

Sayo couldn't help but groan.  "Wha...  What?"

 

"Oh dear, for all of your prowess with your instrument you lack any stage presence.  I can teach you to _stand out_ , to match-up with your comrades on-stage."

 

It wasn't the ridiculous pose Kaoru was striking that struck Sayo speechless.  It was something deeper that the self-proclaimed poet had struck out at.  She needed to regroup, and quickly.

 

"Could you be any fuller of yourself?"  She snarled and stood up suddenly.  "It's doubtful that even _I_ could teach a fool like you.  And it's certain you have nothing to teach me."  Her voice was cold and sharp alongside her glare.

 

Kaoru only spread her palms and smiled.

 

Without waiting for another comeback, Sayo turned and walked away.

 

"I do hope you'll consider my offer, Dearest.  A diamond like you can't hide away in the shadows and catwalks forever.  I'll be waiting for a favourable reply."

 

Sayo didn't give her the satisfaction of a backwards glance.

 

**********

 

Her arrival home brought little relief. 

 

Walking upstairs, she paused for a moment and it heard it clearly; giggling.  It was a ubiquitous sound recently; Hina fooling around with her girlfriend in her room before their parents and Sayo (or so she often thought) had returned.

 

This particular infatuation, Aya Maruyama, held the record for occupying Hina's attention for the longest, and by some distance.  Despite Sayo's first impression of the girl being a mouse, this did hold some weight; for Hina, and this wasn't cruel to say, tended to use people up very quickly and discard them once boredom set in.  Sayo had seen a number of fresh-faced boys and girls appear and disappear with equal regularity over the past year.  There was nothing malicious about it, and Sayo knew that Hina didn't even realize it.  It was just one of the many, many prickly traits of her character.

 

Retreating to her room, Sayo dumped her bag; homework (unforgivably) forgotten.  She collapsed on her bed and tried to forget Kaoru's ramblings unsuccessfully.

 

She wouldn't deny she was the most subdued member of Roselia on-stage, even if that was a little hard to believe off it.

 

She recalled several moment where she had looked up mid-song and taken her band mates in:

 

Ako was a force of nature.  She pulverized her drum kit at a speed Sayo had thought impossible.  And it wasn't as though she seemed to lose any precision for it, or if she did you didn't feel it; the rhythm she produced was so powerful that it only drove you on, never letting you falter.  Everyone in the room felt it buzzing their skin and reverberating deep inside.  Even Sayo had felt herself on the precipice of losing herself once or twice.

 

Lisa was a contradiction.  The sound was of someone in step with Ako, furiously pushing the ebb and flow of the room before laying down the groove to slide into the next act.  But the look was of someone so friendly and engrossed in the music that you couldn't help but dance and sing along.

 

Rinko was the most startling transformation.  She didn't play her keyboard so much as throw the notes at the audience with disdain.  She appeared more as some kind of Collins'-esque victorian wraith; too distant to look in the eye but too mysterious and thrilling to ever ignore.

 

How could plain ol' Sayo Hikawa, head of discipline committee no less, ever hope to stand out?

 

And then there was Yukina...

 

Just for the sake of it, she picked up her electric guitar, on a stand beside her bed (not in it's case, ready to go), and began to pick and prod.

 

Even unplugged, the noise was enough to alert Hina to her presence; so she only had herself to blame when her sister knocked on her door.  She suppressed a groan while remembering, futilely now, that it was always better to seclude herself when Hina had a _guest_ over.

 

She opened to the door to find her sister's wide, sparkling eyes peering up at her.

 

"Onee-chan!" 

 

It was a few decibels louder than necessary, causing Sayo to flinch.

 

"Hello, Hina."  She nodded, going to great lengths to keep her expression neutral and just about succeeding.  Though, as was the case lately, she couldn't stop her habit of saying her sister's name with a condescending lilt.

 

Hina nodded back but apparently had nothing else to say; not that she appeared uncomfortable, standing in the doorway with a bright smile plastered over her lips.

 

Sayo glanced beyond her and spotted a pink pigtail poking out into the doorway of Hina's room.  It became immediately clear then what this was.

 

"We've been here before, haven't we, Hina?"

 

Hina gasped.  "I was just thinking the same thing."

 

"So..."  Sayo prompted.

 

"We didn't know you were going to be back..."

 

Sayo nodded but remained silent.  Hina paused, her face screwing up in deep contemplation on how to continue.

 

"Do you want to join us?"  She asked innocently after a few moments.

 

"I don't think that would be a good idea.  Do you?"

 

"Huh, I guess you're right..."  She turned back towards her room.  "What was I meant to say again?"

 

The pink pigtail vanished and a groan of embarrassment followed.  Hina turned back to Sayo and shrugged; she didn't appear too perturbed, nor did she show any sign of leaving.  Perhaps because of this, despite never usually feeling to need to fill any silence, Sayo blurted out a question.

 

"Hina, have you ever felt..."  She hesitated, struggling to find the words.  That, plus Hina's face seem to light up a few extra million kilowatts at the prospect of a question from her older sister.  She was practically humming by the time Sayo continued.  "...Anonymous, on stage?"

 

Hina immediately brought a hand to her chin and Sayo could visibly see the cogs turning with a frightening intensity.  She half-expected Hina to breakout a white-board and start writing equations.

 

"No!"  Was the slightly underwhelming answer when it came.  "But Aya's terrible at all sorts of things, maybe she can understand what you mean!?"

 

"Hey!"  An aggrieved squeak sounded from over Hina's shoulder.

 

"I don't think so."  Sayo said as she began to close her door.  She caught the look of concern breaking over Hina's face in the corner of her eye.  "Don't worry about me, you can have Maruyama-san over whenever you want."  She mumbled before pushing her door shut, misreading the look.

 

_She really does have everything I don't._

 

She walked back over to her bed and sat down.  She picked up her guitar but, not for the first time recently, didn't really feel that interested.

 

Instead, she laid back and drifted off to sleep.


	3. First Chorus

For the first time in a long time it seemed like she was playing without thinking, just letting her hands do what she had trained them to.  It felt wonderfully freeing.

 

Had it been like this in the beginning?  Just fun.  Just...

 

That's what they'd been talking about for a while now; how it had felt in the first time.    

 

Why start? 

 

Why create?

 

Why practice?

 

Why continue?

 

Sayo had known all the answers.  But somewhere along the way that had turned into assuming she knew, and then they had receded back in her mind, labelled: _unimportant._

But it _was_ important, right?  How could you move onto complex if you didn't understand the simple?  Can you really get anywhere if you forget where and why it all began?

 

Those questions and more plagued Sayo and she strummed away on old chords wearing thin.

 

_"It's a cruel world..."_

Kaoru held the note, gesturing to Sayo, not for the first time tonight.

 

But this time, for the first time, she gave her acquiescence and sang along...

 

_"...But it's cool."_


	4. (4) The Sky Is Falling

Sayo had only attended one Pastel Palettes concert of her own volition, and only then because her family had pestered her incessantly on Hina's behalf.

 

She had told herself that she had been avoiding Hina's band because it would not be worth her time; she had responsibilities to uphold and the tasks that came with them to accomplish.  What little free time she did have was not to be wasted on frivolities.  Besides, her own guitar was always calling.

 

But as the set had rolled by Sayo had come to see the real reason.

 

As a unit, Pastel Palettes were far from the finished product, and Sayo did not sense the instinctual threat some artists sense from potential rivals.  They certainly had some pieces of the puzzle, but they were still too rough around the edges; fun to watch but the sound was a group of individual rather than a unified force.  And it was because of this that the cracks in their performance started to show if you looked and listened carefully enough (and Sayo certainly did).

 

Maya Yamato was solid and tight, keeping the band running along at a brisk pace, but she visibly shied away from the crowd behind her drum kit.  A typical example of a studio musician out of their comfort zone; maladjusted under bright lights.

 

Chisato Shirasagi was the exact opposite in many way; comfortable on the stage and engaging with the audience, but her skill with her instrument was still suspect at this point, full of holes for a discerning pair of ears like Sayo's.  It was clear that she was relying too heavily on Maya to keep her in line.

 

Eve Wakamiya was somewhere between the two, a little too enamoured with her new surroundings and keyboard to really dial in on either.  Just too raw.

 

And Aya was Aya.  Still too much of a fan and not enough of a performer in her own right.  It wasn't hard to tell that she was her own greatest detractor, unconvinced that she really belonged front-and-centre.  It was a little sad to watch, though at least you couldn't fault the effort.

 

But even if it wasn't the complete performance, it couldn't hide who the real star of the show was; she had the musical muscle along with that vivacious personality that found it's home on the stage.  The way she played, the way she moved...  It just broke Sayo up inside.  She could feel everyone around her getting swept up in the wave.

 

_It's all just so effortless for her._

 

That's what Sayo remembered thinking most.

 

**********

 

She awakened later that evening but found no purchase in anything within her grasp.  Her phone notified of missed Roselia messages but she didn't answer.  Felt like she couldn't.  At some point she drifted off again.

 

The next morning she found a note left under her door.  To Sayo's surprise, it was from Aya:

 

_Hikawa-san,_

_I hope don't think I'm too forward writing this.  Hina was really worried about you.  She didn't say much but I could tell she couldn't really think about anything else.  I asked her what was wrong and she said something about you and stage anxiety._

_I don't know exactly what's wrong but maybe I understand how you feel.  I get scared a lot before shows and I can't stop thinking about them afterwards_

Sayo scrunched the letter into a ball and dropped it in her waste-basket.

 

You really did have to give her an 'A' for effort, she supposed.

 

**********

 

Walking to school, her mind was a whirling ball that left her unaware of her surroundings.  The closer she got to Hanasakigawa the more muddled she felt.  That, and there's seemed to be a persistent clicking sound gnawing away at the back of her mind.

 

In fact, the closer she got to school, the clearer the sound became, like it catching up to her...  And it wasn't a clicking...  It was clip-clop sound, like a horse's hooves...

 

Sayo stopped near the school gates.  She looked around, hoping to find a logical source of the sound. 

 

She found it, though not the logic.

 

A little way behind, Kaoru was hopping along, leading a column of students towards the school.  The girl directly behind Kaoru was holding two halves of a coconut, clapping them together in time with Kaoru's steps.  Some of the other students who weren't riding imaginary horses also had percussive instruments and were tapping along in time.

 

Sayo took in the sight with wide-eyed disbelief.  The line stopped as Kaoru came level with her, holding up a hand to signal a halt for everyone. 

 

"Good morning, Hikawa-san!"  She announced while making a show of sliding off her imaginary horse.

 

Sayo stared at her for a few moments before noticing that several Hanasakigawa students were departing the line, saying their goodbyes before heading towards the gates.

 

"I don't understand anything that's happening."  She managed after a few moments.

 

"Ah, now that's the best kind of feeling."  Kaoru gave her a wink.  "But then I would think so, for the dreams I weave always follow in my wake, enrapturing others so."

 

"Why?"  Sayo mustered, gesturing at the line of students.

 

"It's the annual Haneoka Drama Club Jaunt to School."  Kaoru answered, eyeing her carefully, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  "This year we invited students from other schools, because after all, Love is-" 

 

"How many have there been before?"  Sayo cut in.

 

"That's not important."

 

"Oh!  It's my stop.  It's been fun!  See you later, Hina-chan!"

 

They both turned to watch Eve, leave the line and make her way towards the front gates, turning to wave at Hina as she went.

 

"Hina!"  Sayo screeched, spotting her sister further down the line.

 

"Onee-chan!"  Hina waved back at her, clearly oblivious to the rage-stroke passing over Sayo's features. 

 

Sayo swung back to Kaoru, who had already stepped back, keen to create space between the two of them.

 

"Leave my sister out of your stupid games."  Sayo growled.

 

"Everyone's free to join in.  I don't make Haneoka's Drama Club rules, I just enforce Haneoka's Drama Club rules."  Kaoru shrugged and gave a toothy grin.

 

Sayo raised a tightly clenched fist.  "This isn't going to end well for you."  She warned.

 

"Now, now.  Don't get twisted up over a misunderstanding, Kitten."  Kaoru chuckled.

 

Sayo stepped forward and reached out, looking to grab her tormentor by the collar of her school blazer.  Unfortunately for her, the taller girl was faster, swiftly side-stepping her attacker.  The way she did it infuriated Sayo further, raising her arms to strike a pose as she passed by, as though it were all some rehearsed choreography, played out for her audience...

 

Sayo paused and glanced around, realising that _everyone_ was staring at her. 

 

She took a deep breath and tried to calm down.  Then she noticed that Kaoru wasn't paying attention to her anymore.  Instead, she was focused on the figure of Chisato, who was stood by the gates, fixing the purple-haired actress with a look of faint disapproval.

 

Kaoru turned back to Sayo after a moment, a rueful smile dashing her features.

 

"It's look like we'll have to cut our little game short-"

 

"Let's go!"

 

At that moment Hina ran up to the head of the line, hopping onto Kaoru's imaginary horse and then bolting.

 

Kaoru whirled around as everyone began to follow in quick succession.  "My kittens!  Wait!"

 

She glanced back at Sayo, who had the well-earned distinction of seeing that notorious smirk robbed from the actresses' lips.

 

"This isn't the end, just the beginning!"  Were her parting words before giving chase to her flock.

 

Sayo swung back towards the school, torn between disbelief and exasperation.  She noticed Chisato sliding her phone back into her bag as she turned and strolled through the gates.

 

Allies in strange places,  Sayo supposed.

 

**********

 

Misaki was just strolling through the corridors during lunchtime, minding her own business when Sayo accosted her.

 

"Hey you!  Stop there!" 

 

Misaki turned and stepped back in shock; Sayo was already there, her face inches from hers with eyes that looked a little wild too ignore.

 

"Ah, H-Hikawa-san..."  Misaki almost tripped as she felt the wall press up against her back.  "Are you...  Ok?"

 

Sayo neither felt nor looked okay.  But at least she had recovered enough to be aware of that.

 

"Okusawa-san, I need to talk to you."  Her tone left little room for argument; especially now that she had effectively boxed Misaki into a corner of the corridor.

 

"What's up?"  Misaki asked, trying and failing to bring much cheer to her voice.

 

"That guitarist.  No, that woman who _calls_ herself a guitarist."  Sayo's eyes contained a frightening amount of vitriol as she spoke.

 

"Who are you tal...  Oh."  It only took a moment for Misaki to click.  " _That_ guitarist."

 

"She's _not_ a guitarist."  Sayo snapped.  "That's the whole point!"

 

"I see."  Misaki replied, decidedly keeping her voice neutral; unwilling to be dragged into whatever this was.

 

Sayo glared for moment, scanning for any reaction to latch onto.

 

"Sorry, I have to-"

 

"-We're not finished."  Sayo cut her off, her gaze unnervingly sharp.

 

"I see." 

 

"She's crazy."  Sayo muttered before looking up at Misaki, clearly expecting confirmation of this.

 

"Yes, some people think so."  Misaki nodded, giving a forced smile.

 

"Who's crazy?"  A voice suddenly piped up from behind Sayo.

 

The elder girl yelped in surprise and hopped back to reveal Kokoro stood there, regarding them both with curious eyes.

 

"How long have you been there?"  Sayo snapped.

 

"Since you said: _She's not a guitarist!_ "  Kokoro acted out the moment, complete with a twitching imitation of Sayo's on-edge look.

 

Still off-balance, Sayo looked back and forth between the two of them, noting a faint smile breaking out on Misaki's lips.

 

"This isn't funny."  She noted, honing in on the girl caught in the cross-fire.

 

"She's not that...  Well...  What's the problem, exactly?"

 

"It always helps to tell a story from the beginning."  Kokoro offered.

 

Sayo took another wary look between the two of them.  Then, after a few moment's hesitation, gave them the cliffnotes of the last two days.

 

"But that sounds fun!"  Kokoro giggled when she had finished.

 

"That's...  Hmmm..."  Misaki was clearly trying not to laugh as well.

 

Sayo looked at her in disbelief.  "I came to you because I thought you were the only sane one worth talking to, but now I can see..."  She raised a hand and pointed at Misaki.

 

"What?"

 

"You've put that ridiculous costume on one too many times...  You're one of them now."  Sayo started to back away.

 

Misaki blinked as the words sunk in.  Then she looked up at Sayo, vaguely annoyed.

 

"That's stupid.  I'm not-"

 

"One of them!  One of them!  One of them!"  Kokoro took up the chant, pointing accusingly at Misaki just like Sayo. 

 

"Stop that!"  Misaki snapped.

 

But Kokoro's chant continued.  It was the last thing Sayo heard as exited the hallway. 

 

To her it seemed to a bell tolling; the last few shreds of sanity left in the world being swept away in the winds of idiocracy.

 

**********

 

After school Sayo made haste, heading across town to Haneoka and one of the last people of sound mind that she could think of.

 

Coming through the gates, her heart stopped. 

 

She was too late.

 

Yukina was stood further down the path locked into a conversation with _Her._

She didn't like it.  Didn't like it at all. 

 

They were too close, and she could see the way Kaoru was ever-so-slowly leaning in closer. 

 

It wasn't right and she had to stop it.

 

Yukina saw her as she approached, glancing up at her and breaking away from Kaoru.

 

Sayo paused, waiting for a sign of her reception to pass over Yukina's normally reserved expression.  She didn't have high hopes; she had missed the last full Roselia practice session and hadn't responded to any band messages in two days.  That was pretty much sacrilege.

 

So it caught her off-guard when Yukina fixed her with a rare warm smile.  She paused in her approach, caught between relief and confusion.

 

"Seta-san has just been telling me about the last few days."  Yukina said when she had joined them.

 

"Y-yes..."  Sayo said, for lack of any better ideas. 

 

She glanced at Kaoru, who only wore an faint smile, though her eyes seemed to hint at something more devious now that they had settled on Sayo.

 

"I was worried."  Yukina continued.  "But it sounds like you've been working hard.  I never pictured you as a teacher, but I suppose it fits."

 

Sayo stared at her, desperately trying to hide the bewilderment from her face.  It took her a few moments to click. 

 

Yukina's smile only seemed to get softer as she stepped towards her band mate.

 

"I'll let you off this time."  She touched Sayo's arm lightly.  "However, practice tomorrow, yes?"

 

Sayo nodded, seemingly the only way to communicate with the present absence of her voice.

 

"Good.  And it's very kind of you to teach someone so..."  Yukina whispered before glancing back at Kaoru.  "...Well, you know."

 

Clearly Kaoru heard her and caught the implication as well.  She frowned slightly.

 

Sayo couldn't quite deny herself a brief smug grin in response. 

 

_Why did I even doubt her?_

 

"See you later."  Yukina murmured before departing.

 

"Bye."  Sayo replied, turning to watch her go for a few moments. 

 

Then she turned back, eyes falling on her so-called apprentice.

 

Kaoru grinned but remained silent.

 

"Sly."  Sayo commented dryly.  "Very sly."

 

"I thought so."  Kaoru agreed.

 

"Well, I guess it's official now."

 

"Everyone knows."

 

Sayo smiled grimly.  "I'm going to make you regret it.

 

"I don't doubt you'll try, Kitten."  She smirked.


	5. Second Verse

Kaoru's question persisted in her mind.

 

_Why did you pick up your guitar?  Why not throw it away?_

Stripped away from her pompous tone, the questions irked her; something sharp deep down that kept her off-balance.

 

_What did I want to say?_

Words seemed futile.  Of course, hadn't that been the whole point?  She'd wanted something beyond words.

 

So then the question became: What had been inside that she had wanted to get out?

 

Or more importantly: What resided in her now?

 

Did she want to release it?

 

_"It's how you keep wearing me on all your clothes..."_

Sayo could remember a version of that feeling.  A warped reflection, at least to her.

 

_"...Or pull me back onto my own bed..."_

 

She's changed that one, but now it seemed fine.

 

_"...Or let me see you getting changed."_

That one made Sayo blush.  She looked up, indignant, and was met with that familiar full smile.


	6. (6) These Chords Are All I Have

Sayo booked a rehearsal space for two days later and that was that.

 

The meeting brought a few intriguing discoveries...

 

Firstly, it became clear that the only way to subdue Kaoru was to keep her off balance.  In this case that amounted to Sayo pushing a series of exercises and tasks while allowing no room for interruption. 

 

Also notable was that when focused, Kaoru dropped many of her theatrical traits.  Especially if it was in pursuit of something presently out of her reach (doubly when she watched Sayo demonstrate it with ease).

 

Sayo started the session by going over the basics, taking Kaoru though some warm-ups and scales.  Then she had her play through several songs to assess her in a little more detail.

 

Unsurprisingly, Kaoru's playing style was a reflection of her own temperament.  She carried her guitar like it was a stage-prop, an instrument to amplify her presence at key moments.  She _needed_ to be strutting around.  You could see it in the way her limbs twitched when Sayo forced her to sit-down and play. 

 

It was eye-opening, and Sayo was slightly bewildered as she watched Kaoru worked through several chord progressions that had been demonstrated and then laid out her to practise.  Everything about her seemed as clear as day when she performed, so different from the conniving woman she had come to know over the last few days, and yet...  She was still there; you could see strands of her in Kaoru hands as they gripped too tightly on her guitar's neck, in her eyes as she lasered in on the chords. 

 

_Determination._

It was her base.  Even if masked, everything came from there.  It was startling clear now that Sayo had the time to observe her.  It even made her feel a little guilty about forcing the self-styled actress to submit to a more reserved approach.

 

She was made for the stage and it would always dictate her playing style.  Her _role_ first, her instrument a distant second. 

 

Maybe it was hopeless to try and change that. 

 

Probably.

 

But here she was, and there were at least a few things to could do to hone her new protégé's musical tendencies.

 

They worked solid for two hours and Sayo was surprised to find few complaints from her student.  And those few grumbles were only uttered by someone who was used to success at the first attempt, at least in front of other people.  Her lack of humility amused Sayo quietly.  It was even kind of charming in a way.  And she would admit, she liked this barer side of Kaoru a lot more than her stage-lit lady-killer posing.

 

As the session came to a close there was no mention of Kaoru's originally-proposed trade, and though Sayo caught herself thinking about it once as she watched the actress frolic around the room in one last irrepressible act of theatricality.

 

She decided not to bring it up.

 

She wasn't that interested anyway.

 

**********

 

For the following two days she found herself dwelling on Kaoru far more than she had anticipated.

 

They were so different that she began to wonder if she was doing more harm than good; forcing the self-proclaimed poet to sit down and focus on technique seemed almost cruel.

 

What could she really accomplish?  Only a fool went against their nature, and it took an even bigger to think they could change someone else.

 

She tried to reason that Kaoru had been the one who had sought _her_ out, and though true, she still couldn't escape the notion that she wasting her time.

 

Maybe that was why what had been a relatively successful practice twisted and warped in Sayo mind.  Gradually she shifted through memories of previous bands and all the _creative differences_ that had ended them and saw all the signs once more in the making here.  Then, it became about her dubious qualifications as a teacher (when you _really_ looked at it).  And then back to the question of Kaoru's nature versus Sayo absolute focus on technique. 

 

At best she would degrade her.  It was inevitable.

 

_Make her like me._

And it scared Sayo how much that idea bothered her.

 

Perhaps that was why she was on edge when she arrived home that evening; pausing at the top of the stairs for her now customary Hina-check.

 

What she heard chilled her blood before igniting a wicked fire in her throat.

 

She slammed her fist into Hina's door and forced her way in.

 

On her bed with her guitar on her lap, Hina's head snapped up, eyes wide in confusion.

 

"Stop that!"  Sayo screamed at her.

 

She saw her sister's lips tremble and watched the confusion turn to fear.

 

But she didn't care.  Hina had crossed a line, even if unintended.

 

"That's not your song!"  Sayo pointed at the offending guitar on Hina's lap.

 

The blood was boiling in her veins now, pushing her on. 

 

"It's not yours, it's mine!"  It was childish, but under the veil of her fury it felt justified. 

 

"You always want to take!  To take and take and take!  You always want it and you always get it!"  Her breathing was ragged, echoing sharply through her skull.

 

The moment she had stopped and heard those tinny practice-amp chords emanate from Hina's room; the last section of _Louder_.  That riff...  _Her_ notes...  How it had sounded...

 

"...Always before me..."

 

Hina gulped and Sayo watched her hands flutter around, unsure of what to do.  The sight sliced into the roar of her anger.

 

"Never..."  She rasped, throat suddenly raw.  "...Never play that song."

 

Hina nodded nervously, but she wouldn't look at Sayo. 

 

So she moved closer.

 

"Don't _ever_ do that again."

 

Hina gave the same nervous nod, head shaking like her neck was made of rubber.

 

She still wouldn't meet her gaze.  Suddenly that didn't matter.  She could see the haze of tears forming in the corners of her sister's eyes.

 

She retreated to her own room, slamming her door shut behind her.

 

All she could think about was what if someone had heard Hina play?

 

_The same chords but so different._

 

Yukina or Lisa or Ako or Rinko.  Then they would know, just like everyone else, that they had settled for second-best. 

 

_They'd just know._

 

She fell onto her bed and within a few moments she could feel the tears.

 

They were cold, like somebody else's.

 

**********

 

Sayo sat on an amp, her usual respect for studio equipment absent, and seethed.

 

It was her own fault, though that only made it worse.  She had kept a low profile for the last three days, since her outburst at Hina, only leaving her room for school and practice.  The latter had amounted to one Roselia rehearsal, where she had given a perfunctory performance; the whole evening moving past her in a faded blur.  Clearly, her band mates had sensed something was wrong, possibly from the combined absence of her critical ear and sharp tongue.  As a result she had endured long lingering gazes of concern all night, only broken when she had looked up, causing whoever it was to quickly turn away.

 

The exception had been Yukina.  Sayo had looked up to find the songstress openly watching her impassively.  When their gazes met there hadn't been any reaction on the singer's part, and Sayo had began to feel deeply uncomfortable with those pale orbs slowly boreing into her.

 

Afterwards, in the midst of her reclusivity, she had messaged Kaoru and told her to arrange their next practice session, half in the hopes that with the responsibility pushed onto her, Kaoru would forget or just let it drift.

 

Unfortunately for Sayo, that had not been the case.  What her primary antagonist had decided, in all her self-proclaimed wisdom, was to simply merge Sayo's tuition with an existing Hello Happy World rehearsal session.  Because they were practically the same thing, weren't they?

 

Hence why Sayo had planted herself in a corner of the room and proceeded to watch the show unfold.  Needless to say, she hadn't seen much rehearsing yet, and that was with nearly an hour of their three-hour booking gone.

 

Kokoro and Hagumi were running amok, giggling while caught up in some kind of private game.

 

Misaki seemed to be doing something that involved a lot of concentration behind her deck but Sayo couldn't see what.

 

Kanon had been working through some drills, solo.  Aside from that she alternated between staring at Kaoru and pretending not to stare at Kaoru.  There was a hint of longing there, Sayo suspected.  Though she noted that didn't seem to stop the drummer from rolling her eyes every time the object of her attention spouted one of her jumbled declarations, usually with an accompanying dismissive shake of her head.  It would have been curious if Sayo cared in any way.

 

Speaking of Sayo's superstar; she seemed a little pensive, almost as though she were waiting for something.  She interacted with Sayo periodically, working on bits and pieces from their last session, but then often moving away to practise alone.  It was obvious that she wasn't really dialled in on her guitar.  Occasionally she would speak up to the room, some inane statement on the nature of art or whatever, but she seemed to do it at regular intervals, as if it were expected, as if she were conscious of going too long without drawing attention to herself.  Again, it would had perplexed, or even alerted Sayo to something underhanded, if she had really cared.

 

The one thing that Sayo did care about, enough to make her genuinely angry, was the mockery of a rehearsal session Hello Happy World were putting on.  It was simply well-below the accepted standards of any serious, aspiring musician.

 

She was about to say something when she noticed the mood of the room change; everyone seemed to listening as Kokoro hummed a tune.  Misaki especially, seemed to be taking note.  Whatever she was doing behind her deck seemed to correspond to Kokoro whimsical nature.

 

When Kokoro had stopped humming and returned to dashing around the room with Hagumi, Sayo walked over to Misaki.  She noted that there was a laptop behind the deck, a music composing program open with a half-finished melody hastily arrange across the screen.

 

"Writing your next masterpiece?"  Sayo enquired.

 

"Hmm?"  Misaki glanced up at her briefly.  "I forgot you were here."

 

Without another word she went back to her work.  Sayo frowned but remained silent.

 

She looked up and watched Kokoro, she was humming something again.  Then she noticed Misaki take note and begin to write something on a notepad next to her laptop.  It was...

 

"You cannot be serious."  Sayo watched Misaki in horror.

 

Misaki didn't bother looking up this time.  "In this band you can't afford to be."

 

Sayo looked around the room.  No one else seemed too bothered about what was going on. 

 

"This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.  There's no way this is how you really write songs.  Is this a joke for my benefit?  Did you idiots put this together to mock me?"  Sayo was struggling to contain the bite in her voice.

 

"No."  Was all Misaki offered in reply, absorbed in her work.

 

Sayo stepped away, gazing around the room in disbelief.

 

Kokoro zoomed past her, and without thinking, Sayo reached out and caught her by the back of shirt collar. 

 

"Hey!"  Kokoro squeaked.

 

There was a microphone set-up for her in the middle of the room and Sayo dragged the now-whining vocalist towards it.  She deposited Kokoro in front of it. 

 

She had everyone's attention now.

 

"This is obscene."  Sayo announced to them.  "Not just that..."  She took a deep breath and then gave the room her trademark withering gaze of disapproval.  "It's _dreadful_."

 

There was no reaction from anyone beside Kokoro.

 

"We're just having fun, you-"

 

Sayo cut her off with a wave of her hand.

 

"I've long since forgotten why I came here tonight.  But I know I couldn't leave with a clear consciousness if I didn't at least attempt to teach you idiots how to actually be musicians."

 

"Indeed, Our Fair Sayo is right!"

 

Sayo swallowed back a groan.  "Never ever call me that again."  She snapped, turning to see Kaoru walking towards her, Sayo's guitar in hand.

 

"For we must learn, we must be open to growth if we are to better ourselves, that is the eternal truth!"  Kaoru continued, ignoring her.

 

Everyone was watching Kaoru now in stunned silence.  Sayo felt a sinking feeling gnawing away in the pit of her stomach as the actress came closer.

 

She held out the guitar to Sayo.  "Why don't you show us?  Lead us by example!"  She announced with a triumphant smile.

 

Sayo narrowed her eyes, aware that Kaoru had backed her into another corner.  But as her gaze shifted to her guitar, now held aloft by Kaoru, she knew that she had put herself here.  Walked willingly into the trap.

"Aren't you clever."  Sayo muttered.

 

"Only with a willing supporting cast."  Kaoru chuckled.

 

"You're a pro at using people."  It lacked any real bite.

 

"I thought you were the pro, Kitten."

 

Even as she watched Kaoru looking pleased with herself, there was a longing to reach out and take her guitar.

 

"I want to see what you can do."  Kaoru whispered suddenly, stepping closer.  "Really.  I'm fascinated."

 

Something about the way she said it made Sayo feel like she was slipping and falling.  As she reached out for her guitar she was almost overcome by a searing sense of fear, of how Hina had played her own chords back at her.  Of what she might do.

 

_Let it out.  I have to let it out._

 

She grasped the guitar firmly and pulled it back towards her.  It seemed to be a signal.  Everyone in the room was getting into position. 

 

"Let me see who you are.  Show me."  Kaoru whispered as she turned away.

 

Sayo hit the strings once, hard.  She let the sound reverberate, absorbing the feedback.

 

"Improvise!"  Kokoro announced at the top of her lungs.

 

What happened next was impossible to recall in any detail.  All Sayo could say, all she could remember was the blood splayed across the bridge of her guitar, where she had played so hard that the calluses on her hand had cracked open again.  And the sheer sound.  What the music was, she didn't know.  It didn't have a name and it never would.

 

But she played fast and she played hard.  She played until her fingers felt numb and her hands felt like stone.  Feeling and not thinking. 

 

Everyone did the same.  They threw themselves into a wall of sound and for Sayo, it all came out there. 

 

All the rage, but also all the things unsaid.  The burn of something lost since forgotten. 

 

There were no words.

 

When it was over, when the storm had passed, she looked up and brushed the hair out from where it had fallen all over her face.

 

Kaoru was looking at her, a wicked smile slanted across her equally dishevelled features.

 

"Now you're beginning to learn."  She laughed.  "All over again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work's been pretty intense lately so I haven't had quite as much time as I would like to work on this. Hopefully I'll get at least one more chapter out this month.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's given this a chance. I know it's a strange story with a strange pairing and lots of strange things in general. Thank you!


	7. Second Chorus

When you really thought about it, wasn't music just another language?  A series of emotional translations that built on grammar found in technicality.  That seemed to make sense.

 

But it didn't feel right.  It hadn't in the beginning, she was sure of that, and it definitely didn't now. 

 

But it had.  At some point writing music had become like writing an essay for homework.  A series of rules and notes to be abided by. 

 

A formula to apply. 

 

An example to cite.

 

And that wasn't even a bad thing.  Sayo enjoyed writing like that...  With the right person.

 

But alone...  Now, with where she was...  Where she found herself...  How she felt...

 

Frustration bubbled.  She lent her voice to the chorus again, this time without question.

_"It's a cruel world..."_

It was. 

 

_"...But it's cool."_

Or so it seemed. 


	8. (8) Full Collapse

Though the cafe outside of CiRCLE had long since been closed for the day, Sayo sat on the deck at one of the empty tables.  She had been staring up at the night sky for what felt like too long now; the view was clear and the stars burned brightly from the deep black sea they resided in.

 

She felt weary, incredibly so.  The weight of everything she had heard, said and done over the past week bore down on her shoulders, her hands already shredded from her guitar.  She felt like a statue; a sense of never moving again.

 

When she finally looked down she found Kokoro sat across her, eyes sparkling in the dark like the stars above.

 

"What?"  The word barely left her lips.

 

"You look like you're dreaming."

 

Sayo looked back up at the sky, fresh out of any other option.

 

_She has a point._

Every time she tried to think, to set her thoughts straight she got lost in a haze.  There didn't seem to be any point in trying.

 

"Do you dream, Tsurumaki-san?"

 

"Of course!"

 

"What about?"

 

"All kinds of things!  Everyone and everything.  How I can change it and make it better and-"

 

"-This month or this week.  Tell me about now.  Last night."

 

"Well, I dreamt about Mi-"

 

Kokoro's sudden pause spoke louder than any words the girl could have mustered.  

 

Sayo looked down in mild surprise.

 

The blush-tinted look of hesitation she saw seemed even more out of place across the bubbly girl's features.

 

"Forget it."  Sayo attempted to put her at ease.

 

"H-how about you?"  Kokoro mumbled, attempting regaining her footing.

 

"Not many people, not very often."

 

"Me?"

 

Looking across and seeing the innocence with which the question was asked caused Sayo to sigh.

 

"Sure, why not."

 

A big smile broke out.  "And Kaoru?"

 

"No."  She answered sharply, a touch flustered.

 

"Who else?"

 

Sayo found herself gazing back up into the night for a few moments before answering.

 

"Hina.  And sometimes..."

 

"Roselia?"

 

_Sometimes all of it.  Sometimes a part of it.  Them.  Her._

 

"...Yes."  Sayo took a deep breath, it seemed to catch in her throat.  "And sounds."

 

"What kind of sounds?"

 

"Music, I think."

 

"Like you played tonight."

 

"Something like that, yes."

 

"It sounded amazing!  I wanted to dance forever."

 

Sayo smiled, a little more on reflex than she would have liked.

 

"Good.  Thank you for helping."

 

Kokoro smiled in return but didn't offer anything else immediately.

 

A silence stretched out from there for a minute or two.  It wasn't particularly uncomfortable, but Sayo was little too aware of it none-the-less.  Still, she waited for her companion to break it.

 

And break it she did.

 

"Kaoru talks about you a lot lately."  Kokoro teased lightly.

 

Sayo groaned.  This seemed to amuse the blonde, who giggled by way of reply.

 

"She talks about a lot of girls all the time..."

 

"Sure."

 

"But it's not the same with you."

 

"Fascinating."

 

"Don't you want to know why?"

 

"No.  Let's leave it a mystery."

 

Kokoro was about to prod again when her phone went off, mercifully sparing Sayo, who was trying harder than would have liked to admit to keep her composure.

 

_It doesn't hurt to be appreciated._

Sayo shook her head clear and glanced up.  Kokoro was on her phone; Misaki and the others were ready to leave.

 

**********

 

She couldn't sleep.

 

She sat up on her bed and felt the weariness wash over her again.

 

There was to be no relief. 

 

So there she stayed, one shoulder leaning against the wall as she peered out of the window; the moon was out, though she couldn't see it, only the shafts of ethereal light that pierced the gloom of her room.

 

Despite the ache in her hands, she had the urge to pick up her guitar and play.  But it was too late, even with her headphones on, the strings would probably wake someone in the dead of night.

 

The silence seemed absolute as the night wore on, gradually becoming unbearable.  Several times she reached out of her guitar, placing it on her lap and staring at its sleek shape.  But it each time she put it back on its stand, the chords un-played.

 

Perhaps she drifted off for twenty minutes; there was a dream that slipped through from her unconsciousness at some point.

 

A party.  A big affair; dresses and soft lights.  Maybe her birthday; they were all there for her. 

 

Everyone.

 

Maybe everyone she had ever met.

 

Hina was playing a song for her.

 

Kaoru was signing.

 

Yukina was sat across the room, watching.

 

Sayo had never cared to be the centre of attention.  She turned away and walked off, finding it all to be a bother.

 

But when she turned back everyone had disappeared.

 

_Silence._

She blinked and looked up at the moonlit window once more.

 

It felt like she had been here forever.

 

She grabbed her phone from the bedside table and flicked open her contacts; her thumb hovering over Kaoru's name, and then Yukina's.

 

She wanted to dial the latter more than anything, but she was afraid; that she wouldn't understand, or that she would and then they'd have nothing else to say to each other. 

 

Instead, she dialled Kaoru.

 

There was a very elaborate yawn, undoubtedly for her benefit, before she spoke. 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey..."  Sayo was desperately trying to find an excuse for her call...

 

_I left something...  I put something in your guitar case by accident...  I forgot to say..._

It all far from convincing and, though she was loathe to admit it, she knew Kaoru would see though whatever she said.  Anyone would, if you called at this time in the morning for a no real reason, she reasoned.  Perhaps that was what informed her to speak plainly.

 

"I want to talk to someone."

 

" _Someone._ "  The disdain in Kaoru's voice made Sayo roll her eyes.  She knew she should have seen that coming.

 

"I wanted to talk to you."  She tried to appease her, and save herself in the process.

 

"Are you sure?  Not just _anyone?_ "

 

Sayo sighed, loudly.  A chuckle rasp through across line in response.

 

"I'll make a rare allowance this time.  Now, how can I be of service to my _favourite K_ -"

 

"Don't say it."  Sayo warned.

 

"... _Teacher_."  Kaoru finished, and Sayo could practically see her grinning.

 

And, despite herself, she felt the tinniest of tiny smirks tug against the corner of lips.

 

It was horrible.  And she found herself thinking, right at that moment, that she had made the right choice; touched the right name on the screen of her phone and dialled the right number.

 

"I just..."

 

_Feedback...  Wanted to remind you how terrible you are...  Had some questions about your nefarious methods..._

"Well, whatever it is, I'm _all ears_."  The actresses' voice purred into Sayo's ear.

 

**********

 

The next few days floated by.

 

There was a Roselia practice; she had suggested Lisa re-tune her bass after one run-through. 

 

 _Suggested_ rather than _Told._

That had garnered a series of looks, ranging from perplexion to an entirely different sort of worry, from everyone except Yukina, whose ever-seeping gaze snagged on Sayo silently from time-to-time.

 

It didn't bother her the way it once had, only a few days before.

 

The divide was clear in her mind; when she had let go of her musical inhibitions in front of Hello Happy World, she seemed to have ejected the rest of them within the same moment.

 

Everything had bled out through her hands.  A hollowness remained.  Not unplesant.

 

She walked around feeling as thought there was a soundproof wall between her and everyone else...

 

Everyone except _someone_.

 

And that _someone_ rarely left her thoughts; her voice often shuffling through her memories-

 

-But enough about _her_.

 

As the days drifted she felt certain that she was still asleep even when she awoke.   It only engendered an odd sense of peace, rather than panic.

 

It was in this state that she came to find herself sitting on her bed one day after returning home from school earlier than usual.  Her guitar sat in her lap and she strummed the chords with faint intent.

 

Endlessly, or so it felt.

 

The same riff.  Thin and winding.  Stripped down between two pedals she had rigged into her practice amp.

 

After maybe half an hour she glanced up, aware that she was being watched.

 

Between the crack of her ajar door she could spot a green eye spying on her.  It widened in panic as Sayo's gaze lingered.

 

Without pausing, Sayo gestured with her chin for Hina to enter.  She did so, cautiously.

 

They hadn't really spoken besides Absolutely Necessary Family Communication since you-know-when.

 

Sayo simply watched as Hina stepped inside her room, body tense and ready for a swift escape.

 

"Do you want to try?"  Sayo mumbled the offer without any real regard for what it might have meant.

 

Hina stared as Sayo continued to play, and then, after an indeterminate amount of time (to Sayo), she sat down on the bed.

 

Sayo finally stopped, her hands shifting around her guitar and passing it to Hina, who took it tentatively.  She looked like an animal stepping into a trap, Sayo thought.  The idea brought a rye smile to her lips.

 

"You were watching for long enough.  You try."  Sayo told her.

 

Without comment, Hina started trying to re-create the riff Sayo had been playing for however-long it had been.

 

Despite the relative simplicity of it, Sayo noticed that Hina was struggling, even after a few minutes of trying.

 

A little while after, Hina stopped and looked up at Sayo; her expression oddly vague, with only a hint of frustration showing.

 

"Here."  Sayo retrieved her guitar and began to play again.

 

"Why does it sound so different?"  Hina asked after a minute or two.  "We're doing the same thing."

 

"No."  Sayo sighed.  "No, we're not."

 

"But..."

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

"Well...  I guess...  Maybe I should-"  She made to leave.

 

"Don't you want to get it right?"  Sayo asked.

 

Hina paused, half-standing, and for the first time since entering the room, a faint smile broke out across her features; blooming from her eyes before touching her lips.  She sat back down.

 

"S-sure.  If it's..."

 

"It's fine."

 

"Okay."  Hina replied, her voice remarkably level.

 

Sayo glanced at her, noting the outrageously wide smile that was breaking out over her lips, and how much it must have cost Hina to say that one word without shouting it.

 

It was pretty funny.

 

Sayo sniggered.


	9. Final Verse

Some days were better than others, seemingly without reason.  For Sayo, that applied to passages of songs.  Despite her given rise towards perfectionism, she couldn’t deny it.  And tried less and less lately. 

_“I’m out in California now…”_

The way she looked at Sayo.  That eyebrow, cocked by faint inquisitiveness.  Though she was unwilling to ask.

 

It had just come from a faint moment in Sayo’s life; a family holiday where she had truly realised that she was in an entirely new place, disconnected, however briefly, from her past.

 

_“…Ari gave me his new car…”_

That was just a fantasy.  But a good one.  Impulsive.  That was her vibe right now, suddenly shifted, seeping from her fingers into the chords of her guitar.

 

_“…And all the girls are so champagne.”_

Maybe just the one singing.  She smirked.

 

_“I’m a high liver…”_

Sure, Sayo couldn’t argue.  She almost laughed.  So did her companion…

 

Just before she framed up the last line with her lips, lifting a languid hand and pointing at her guitarist

 

_“…I’m a slow burner.”_

Kaoru hung on the last word, visibly amused as she watched the humour drain from Sayo’s face.

 

There was a touch of cold inside.  Her hands worked through a few more bars mechanically, like a driver rolling her car to a stop. 

 

She never _just_ stopped.  And she never just started.

 

The smile on Kaoru’s lips only grew as the chords faded.

 

Sayo gritted her teeth on instinct.

 

Something…

 

Something about her…

 

About the way she twisted everything around…

 

Around a hint of truth.

 

There was a familiar anger that rising from the cold pit of her stomach.  She gripped her guitar tightly, stressing the wood.

 

Only this time, in an entirely unfamiliar moment, it was extinguished as Kaoru leaned over to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no update. I'll be getting to work on the next full chapter shortly.
> 
> Many thanks for the comments, likes, etc. while this story was in hibernation. 
> 
> Since the song has finally finished in the story, I can now reveal that it's 'Cruel' by Tigers jaw. You can listen to the version that inspired pretty much this whole idea here...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frlvJ7OSpw4
> 
> There's also quite a few other musical ideas/influences for parts of the story (mostly guitar parts that Sayo plays). I'll update the notes for some of the chapter soon with links.


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